There's a hole in my bucket...

Part of why I started this Blog in the first place... (besides being so completely inspired by Meredith at Count It All Joy was because I was feeling a little "blah" and negative. So I thought that maybe by putting my thoughts "out there" and by making a conscious effort to be more positive and to try to see the good/happy/colourful/positive things in my life and concentrate on those as opposed to dwelling on the negatives that it would help.

And it definitely has.

But I also think I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to constantly be "up" and positive about EVERYTHING - at least on a surface level and how I presented myself to the outside world.

Truth is, I took this so much to an extreme ( a tendency of mine) that it actually became a bit of a facade. Not in the kind of "fake it til you make it" way - which was my intention... but more of a " no, you're not allowed to have a down day... you can't feel like that .... you have nothing to be sad about... you just can NOT feel blah anymore in any way about any thing..."

I realise that this put added pressure on me. Correction - I put added pressure on me.

I'm only human, right?

While of course I was actually seeing the Colour in my world and being thankful for all the blessings in my life... I too felt that my bucket was near empty.

 I remember years ago our wonderful [now retired] family GP told me that it was a wonderful thing that I gave so much to others and that I cared blah blah.... but that if I was constantly watering others from my bucket... and mine wasn't getting replenished in the way that it needed to be... then my bucket was going to run dry! It was one of those "ah-hah" moments for me. Might sound simple and logical but at the time it was the only thing that struck a chord.. .and I set about filling that bucket up again... or finding the way to let others do that too

I realised the other day that the red light was flashing on my bucket gauge and I needed to do something about it. I needed to acknowledge that I have needs to ( they are actually quite simple I think) and to take responsibility regarding them.

I had a conversation with a family member that perhaps put things into perspective for me. I think I've said it before that it's funny how it takes someone else to reinforce what you already know yourself. I was on a little bit of a "poor me" rant and she gently reminded me of a few home truths. Not nasty ones, but ones that made me realise that I'm feeling sorry for myself about the things that actually make me who I am and that make me the happiest.

I remembered also, the words from a couple of addresses at Church over that last few weeks about : Truths ~Your own truths and what they mean to you and Healing ~ That I can still help and heal others (pain) and remain doing what I love but must remember to draw strength from other places so as not to "sap" my energy and take on board others issues. That's where I was going wrong...

Maybe my bucket wasn't nearly empty... I think there was just a hole... but I fixed it Dear Reader, Dear reader.... fixed it!

 

Danni xx